Jon Cozart – After Ever After 2

If you’ve ever wondered why
Disney tales all end in lies
Here’s what happened after all their dreams came true

[Mulan (I’ll Make a Man Out of You):]
(Be a, be a man)
After saving China I went home alone
I was feeling conflicts in my lower zone
I’ve been dressing like a guy for months
Now I’m losing all control
I think I am a guy in my soul (be a, be a man)
I wanna be a man
[Soldier 1:] I’ve never seen a guy so hot
[Mulan:] Time to reinvent the new me
[Soldier 2:] Every time he speaks it makes me want to sing (I’m so confused)
[Soldier 1:] Be quiet, or we’ll get caught
[Soldier 3:] Maybe one day he’ll screw me
[Mulan:] Now I really get why my nickname is Ping
I’ve gotta be a man
I’ve got the brains and the bite of females
Plus the brute and the brawn of dudes
I know I’m ready for transformation
It’s time to replace all these useless tubes
(Good for you)

[Cinderella (A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes):]
The prince was absolutely the only single wish my heart made
Guess my wish came true
But we never really talked much
Before he discovered my shoe
The night after we got married
I recounted all of my plights
Of how I fit inside a pumpkin
My canines turned to coachmen
Prince threw me in Bedlam that night
The white jackets say I’m nutty (she’s nutty as a bat)
Cause my clothes are sewn by rats (stick some meds in her food)
But their pills turn my brain to putty (hey, GOT HER)
Now Lucifer’s not just my cat (I AM SATAN)
Their insulin puts me under
Shock therapy’s made me insane
And after years of steady frying
The doctors gave up trying
They stuck 2 steel rods in my brain

[Tiana (Dig a Little Deeper):]
I spent a blooming lifetime
To open my cafe
Then I took a dive in 2005
Now it’s washed away (it’s all washed away)
I was picked up by a chopper
After four nights on my roof
Now my new home is the Astrodome
Cause New Orleans ain’t Katrina proof
Ya better carry ’round a shotgun
Or looters take your kids (Hide your kids now!)
Ya better pee inside of jam jars (ew)
Be sure to keep those lids
Now, now we needed Noah but we got Bush
Our “savior” flew away and hid
Rough seas and levees,
Rough seas and levees,
Rough seas and levees, I’m dead

[Elsa (Let It Go):]
There is no snow on the mountain tonight
Just sulfur in the air
A kingdom of greenhouse gases
Only Bill Nye seems to care
My town is melting, breaking off into the sea
It’s time I show the strength of an evil queen (of an evil queen)
With Germany and Putin, too
I’ll free the penguins and throw you in a zoo
We’re going green by spilling red
And if you’re not dead
[Elsa (Do You Want To Build A Snowman):]
I built a hoard of evil snowmen
They’re gonna take over the world
Let it snow, let it snow
Now Fox News will need heat lamps (Mother Russia)
Let it snow, let it snow
I hope you concentrate in camp (Heil Elsa)
We don’t care who we have to slay
Let my troops march on (the troops march on)
The cold’s coming back and it’s here to stay

[Tiana:] I sunk like a brick
[Cinderella:] Prince thinks I’m sick
[Elsa:] Ice is melting quick
[Mulan:] Now I have a lot of self esteem

Updated: 27 February 2018 — 15:05

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